(notes from my conference call called the Kairos Call).

kairos: Ancient Greek word that means the right time or the opportune moment.

therefore, I feel this is the right time to speak about this.

the topic tonight is:

we're gonna talk about a few things such as:
self-destructive behavior
low self-esteem
feelings of inadequacy
mental issues

I have good knowledge on these issues because I've battled with them my entire life.

10% of americans experience depression
over 8 million ppl (3.7% of the adult US population) 

so we can look at this two ways:
one is there are millions of ppl who have the same issues we have so we are not alone.

two is even tho it's millions, it's still only 3-10% so that's why a lot of ppl just don't understand.

I've only been truly sick in my entire life maybe 3 times and I don't even get the flu.

sometimes ppl that don't deal with mental issues tell me "wow I'm glad I don't deal with that" and you know, even tho when you're actually in a deep depression it's absolutely horrible... when you're out of it and you see someone who doesn't deal with depression, and they're coughing up a lung because they're always sick... I'm grateful that I don't deal with that.

some causes of suicide:
Depression and other mental disorders
Substance abuse
Prior suicide attempt
Family history of suicide
Family violence including physical or sexual abuse
Firearms in the home
Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as family members or peers.
lack of education
loss of loved ones

a lot of us who deal with depression get irritated at those who don't... I had to learn to be easy on kind gestures even if they seemed silly. for instance, depression is on a whole different level over sadness, they are not the same. if I'm sad, and I eat some food, I am happy. if I'm depressed, and eat some food, I am still depressed. 

telling someone who is depressed something simple is like walking up to someone who has AIDS and saying "hey man ppl care about you so get better within the next 10 minutes".

some synonyms for depressed are to cast down, to weigh down... and that's exactly how it makes you feel, so low that you don't even wanna be in a bed you wanna be on the floor to be the lowest you can be.

suicide is a top 10 killer in the united states

the first 9 being:

Heart disease
Chronic lower respiratory disease
Alzheimer's disease
the flu and pneumonia
Kidney disease 

first thing we have to realize is what we are. we are a spirit, with a soul, in  a body. we are a spirit, with a soul, in a body.

obviously we know we're in a body, so how do we know we're a spirit with a soul.

your body holds all of your bones and organs and such.

your soul holds your emotions, will, and mind.

that's why you've heard the saying don't lose your soul or a lost soul... because they have allowed their minds and emotions to become so polluted, they are under the most negative of influences.

and the spirit part of you is aware of things that your body would otherwise have no way of knowing.

for instance, you walk into a room and you feel tension, you see two ppl with their arms folded looking away from each other. your mind did the math and figured there had to be an argument... but something within in you already knew. that's your spirit.

another thing for us to realize guys is just about everything about this earth either has a balance, cycle, opposite or exchange. 

there's good, there's evil
you jump up you come down
there's a north and a south
an east and a west
a night and a day
a winter and a summer
a spring and a fall
you give money to buy things
you go to sleep you wake up
what goes around comes around and so on and so forth

so when bad times come in our life, we know it will have to get better.

I know what it's like to wonder how it would be if I stopped living.
to not be born
wishing I was never born
being depressed for extended periods of time
being happy one moment and sad the next
fantasizing about ways to kill myself.
going to suicide websites for ideas.
over eating
not eating
over sleeping
not sleeping
being upset that I woke up
hearing voices
dwelling on the past
doubting myself
accepting lies about myself
crying wondering why is my mind like this
complaining about everything like why is the sun out why do ppl breathe so loud
laughing in public secretly thinking about slashing my throat

and ultimately I have attempted suicide before.

with all that being said,

we're gonna look at suicide from the 3 main categories of spirit, soul and body.

imagine you had a kid, that you loved dearly, that you cooked for and took to the mall, bought clothes for and hugged them before bed... and the next morning you saw them dead, hanging from a belt. how would you feel...

that's how God views us... but there are some reasons why we can't see God looking at us like he actually cares.

one reason is religious ppl make God seem so distant, boring and legalistic. God is not that way. 

a lot of religious ppl make the ppl in the bible seem perfect and not relatable. that's not the way the bible really is.

in the bible, there was a man named Job who experienced trial after trial after trial...

if we look at Job chapter 3 it says this:

1 At last Job spoke, and he cursed the day of his birth. 
2 He said:

3 “Let the day of my birth be erased,
    and the night I was conceived.
4 Let that day be turned to darkness.
    Let it be lost even to God on high,
    and let no light shine on it.
5 Let the darkness and utter gloom claim that day for its own.
    Let a black cloud overshadow it,
    and let the darkness terrify it.
6 Let that night be blotted off the calendar,
    never again to be counted among the days of the year,
    never again to appear among the months.
7 Let that night be childless.
    Let it have no joy.

10 Curse that day for failing to shut my mother’s womb,
    for letting me be born to see all this trouble.
11 “Why wasn’t I born dead?
    Why didn’t I die as I came from the womb?

so when I first heard this I was like wow... you mean to tell me the bible ain't just a book of rules and regulations? you mean to tell me the bible actually has imperfect ppl in it? you mean to tell me ppl in the bible wanted to die just like I do? now this is something I can read. because it's real.

and eventually, God turned Job's whole life around and gave him everything he lost and way much more.

and with that we can transition into the spiritual aspect of depression. are we even connected to God?

there was another man who we will be looking closely at by the name of Jeremiah.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

now, God is not trying to play hide and seek.
don't we like when ppl actually text us first?
don't we like when ppl actually reciprocate the attention we're giving?
don't we get annoyed by ppl we don't wanna talk to that keep calling us?

we need to understand that God gave us free will and he's usually not gonna force himself on anyone.

and we need to understand what God meant when he said we're made in his image. a large piece of that is relationships. we're the way we are because God is the way he is.

so once we have the connection with God... we know fully what he created us for. we might be able to piece together some ideas, like if you're a singer... but we won't know to the full extent everything about our destiny if we are not connected with God. and why is that? because we came from God.

Jeremiah 1:5
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart"

my whole life I've known I was made to reach masses of ppl but I had no idea in what way until I started to get to know God. now, I've spoken to many many crowds and audiences, sometimes hundreds of teenagers in attendance and thousands of ppl in general. and I was someone who tried to kill myself in high school.

when we are not plugged into God our life is like a phone off the charger... we'll be okay for a while... until we feel like dying.

so how do we get closer... do we need to run to an altar and do cartwheels? no. simply come to a calm place and say God show me something. tell me something. you can also google some scripture that pertains to how you feel or about the questions you have about God.

so let's talk about the soul now. 

see, if I had died back then... all the ppl I've helped influence thus far would have never even known I was in a grave and even existed...

there is something that wants to silence your voice. you know this because you hear these voices telling you you're nothing and you don't want to feel like that. 

we have to be careful what we allow or keep in our minds and hearts because that is our soul and it is being tainted... leading to depression.

once again in the book of Jeremiah, chapter 17 verse 9 he says our hearts are deceitful.

what does that mean? see when I was growing up my father told me I was nothing and I've never be anything... my heart accepted that, even tho it wasn't true.

now our minds, we have to examine those as well.

when I was in high school there was a time me and my friends were at the basketball court, and I just totally flipped out for no reason... but I couldn't control it... and my friends asked me was I okay, and I apologized.

it was at that moment I knew I needed to self-reflect and do some family history studying...

and eventually I found out that one side of my family was plum crazy.

so mental issues can pass down the bloodline...

go see a therapist, that's what they're there for. just like ppl have special gifts and talents in healing ppl physically and with surgery and what not... there are ppl that are doctors of the brain.

if your vision isn't the best, you correct it.
if you can't grow hair, you correct it.

I actually became very good friends with a licensed clinical psychologist. I actually have a few ppl around me to keep me sane. don't be alone, seek some help. isolation is dangerous.

I wanna go back to emotions again.

if we set our heart foundation on someone or something, we are subject to sway in whatever direction that someone or something is going. never make a person or thing your number one pillar in life... because when the pillar gets a crack in it, or even falls... we get depressed and sometimes so much we feel like we can't live without it. literally.

and then lastly the third part of us: our body.

practically speaking there are things we just need to be smart about. at a very young age I knew that I didn't need to own a gun, because I would use it too easily on myself or someone else.

physically speaking, I learned that everything has a purpose, not just people, certain foods help certain moods and brain activities.

dark chocolate helps blood flow to the brain.
lack of calcium can cause depression. greek yogurt has calcium.
honey reduces depression caused by brain inflammation
lack of magnesium can cause depression.
legumes (or nuts and seeds), dark leafy greens, fish, avocado, bananas, 

so in conclusion: you are not alone, you are important and you do have a voice that must not be silenced. your spirit must be connected to God... your mind and emotions must receive positive influences and care as well as your body. once you begin to know who you are, who God created you to be, no emotional pain can cause you to want to transfer that pain physically to yourself... you will begin to like yourself and eventually even love who you are.

Romans 15:13
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you 

will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Luke 4:18-19
18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released,
    that the blind will see,
that the oppressed will be set free,
19 and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.”

1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

700 Club Prayer Center

Charles Stanley
he has an app called InTouch that has really helped my life. practical teaching on God.
american foundation for suicide prevention (my therapist and friend/mentor now)

alright yall, until next time.